just my own record

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2010-08-09T16:41:00.000+08:00

+/v8APAAh-DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC +ACI--//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN+ACIAPg- +ADw-HTML+AD4APA-HEAD+AD4- +ADw-META content+AD0AIg-text/html+ADs- charset+AD0-utf-7+ACI- http-equiv+AD0-Content-Type+AD4- +ADw-META name+AD0-GENERATOR content+AD0AIg-MSHTML 8.00.6001.18852+ACIAPg- +ADw-STYLE+AD4APA-/STYLE+AD4- +ADw-/HEAD+AD4- +ADw-BODY bgColor+AD0AIw-ffffff+AD4- +ADw-DIV+AD4APA-FONT size+AD0-2+AD4-2010.08.03 (Tuesday)+ADw-/FONT+AD4APA-/DIV+AD4- +ADw-DIV+AD4APA-FONT size+AD0-2+AD4APA-/FONT+AD4AJg-nbsp+ADsAPA-/DIV+AD4- +ADw-DIV+AD4APA-FONT size+AD0-2+AD4-Officially become FooSeng's girlfriend started form today+ACEAPA-/FONT+AD4APA-/DIV+AD4APA-FONT size+AD0-2+AD4- +ADw-DIV+AD4-Feel great to have him to be with me always and we just come together like this naturally...+ADw-/DIV+AD4- +ADw-DIV+AD4AJg-nbsp+ADsAPA-/DIV+AD4- +ADw-DIV+AD4-He+ACY-nbsp+ADs-dropped a love diary for me today when i am taking my bath...+ADw-/DIV+AD4- +ADw-DIV+AD4-Feel so so so sweet to have it and the words inside are+ACY-nbsp+ADs-super touching+ACEAPA-/DIV+AD4- +ADw-DIV+AD4-Gemini +- Taurus +AD0- Forever Love +AF4- - +AF4APA-/FONT+AD4APA-/DIV+AD4APA-/BODY+AD4APA-/HTML+AD4-

感谢主！

2010-06-13T11:04:00.001+08:00

整整一个月的星期日都呆在家中，等屋主的 contractor 来修理家里的电。
上个星期日，contractor 说好这个星期日也回来，做好房间的冷气。
今早我很早就起身，打电话叫 contractor 早点来，早点做完，因为下个星期我不在家。
结果的结果，才知道 contractor 说不会再来了。
屋主他们说我们还没交房租，所以不要做冷气和其他东西。
我问哥哥房租的问题，哥哥说有钱只是还没有空去进给屋主！
什么理由啦？
要我每个星期都呆在家里等人家来做电，每个星期都管工哦？
我可是常常一个女生在家管人做电做水呐！有没有过份一点？

原本想忘了这件事，不要把它记入在日记里，可是想想，记下来也好，算是发泄一下也好…… ^^

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dear dear 昨天和爸爸他们去看车，因为他的车子已经很坏，快不能用了。
后来回到家的时候，他尽然不舒服。
结果听妈咪说，他在家里的沙发上睡了一下，然后也在家里吃午餐后才离开。

dear dear 昨天借了 2k 给三哥。
妈咪的钱全部也给了三哥。
因为三哥说要去上 course！
真的希望哥哥他不要每次都大花鬼，用的钱永远都超出自己每个月赚的钱！
虽然可以说之前他很厉害，可以拿到scholarship 读书，只是让家里供他每个月的生活费……
但是家里也是有供他生活费的嘛！好不好？

为什么哥哥他们一直都这样？
很厉害花钱，却不懂得要存钱？

我是不是也要像他们这样，跟爸妈拿钱，让他们体会爸妈的无助，然后他们才会明白爸妈为了我们几个老了多少啊？
我虽然在爱情的道路上，让爸妈曾经很头痛，很担心；但至少我一直都 guard 自己 guard 到很好啊！
我 14 岁就开始在学校食堂打工，19岁就出社会工作，读书也没向家里拿过任何一分钱！
可是为什么哥哥他们是男生，却不能半工读，而我是女生，就应该半工读？
有时我抱怨的时候，他们就说是我自找的！
ok! fine！我自找的！如果我不要自己供自己，而是要等你们存钱给我读，那我要等到几时？十年还是二十年？
我之前就是因为听妈咪说，等哥哥他们毕业后，全部人就供我一个人读，结果等我几年，也还不就是一样？！！

有时候我真的有抱怨，抱怨爸妈原来都不疼我不爱我。
因为二哥三哥他们都可以 full time study，而我是家里唯一的女儿却要自己赚钱存钱供自己 part time study。
我真的有想过要放弃，真的每次都有很大压力，但是我又能向谁投诉抱怨？
因为爸妈已经年老了，妈妈的身体又不好，我怎舍得要他们继续辛苦？

每次重提这件事情，我都会很激动很想大喊！

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但是很感激主！因为他让我在生命中认识了das！
das 真的帮了我很多！！！
每次家里有事，我都只找他帮忙。
而且我那疤瘌的态度也只有他可以忍受。
其实认识到他，真的可以算是我的福份吧？
（虽然我每次都骂他，说他很吝啬，说他很肥，说他很老……呵呵）

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我说过的，不管日子过得怎么样，每天都要学习感恩，这样抱怨的心态就会少一点咯！

感谢主，让我成为我公公婆婆的孙女，因为他们真的是个大好人！
感谢主，让我成为我爸爸妈妈的女儿，因为他们是个疼爱儿女，尊敬父母的爸妈！
感谢主，让我有三个哥哥，虽然我每次会生气他们，但是他们却是常常保护我的哥哥！
感谢主，让我的男朋友是 das，因为只有他可以忍受我的脾气，把我当宝宝一样的呵护在手心！
感谢主，让我身边认识的人，一大半都是教会我人生和工作的长辈！
感谢主，让我有良好的学习能力，良好的记忆力！
感谢主，让我不像一般年龄的少年人般幼稚无知……
感谢主，让我生活在这样的环境里长大，不会很烂也不会很好，让我有机会学习很多东西！

主啊，这是我的人生。虽然道路上遇见的问题越来越难，精神压力上也越来越大，但是每一次解决了一样问题，我都会从中学习了很多知识及道理！我知道，您永远都是给我一切我有办法解决的考验！我知道，每一次的考验都是为了让我成长！感谢主！

２１岁剩余的４天

2010-06-12T10:40:00.000+08:00

好久好久又没有上来了！原本说好要每天都写日记，帮助自己的记忆力的，不是吗？
怎么最后的最后，又不把它当成一回事了呢？

想念的季节又开始慢慢的影响我日常生活了。
也许是快步入22岁的过渡期吧？
我尽然不再是十字头了，也不再是令人骄傲的21岁了！
噢…… 可是在公司里还是一直被人叫“小妹妹”。
如果离开这公司了以后，小妹妹这三个字将永远都不会再出现在我日常生活里吧？
其实，我还蛮陶醉在“小妹妹”的称呼里的！哈哈！

下个星期三，也就是我生日当天，妈妈会从美里飞过来和我庆祝！不晓得今年可不可以吃到生日鸡蛋和鸡腿呢？
去年连碰都没碰到……而且还是重要的21岁讷！害我一直耿耿于怀，21岁的生日就这样在公司很无奈的渡过……
ｄｅａｒ　ｄｅａｒ　每年都说要买礼物，结果最后的最后，什么都没有给我！今年也一样，最后什么都没有的啦！
=.=

老了…………真的老了！
没有年轻的魄力，没有年轻的热情……
也许是太早踏入社会的关系，也许也是因为太早成熟的关系吧？
噢～～～

homeless

2010-05-13T18:38:00.001+08:00

FEELING VERY VERY TIRED.... continuos bad dream last night!
*Snake* again! why i always have the snake dream with me now?
wat does it mean?

this morning when i try to search for the answer in google... then i got the virus attack from internet.
i am sure later IT department may inform me again regarding this.... virus virus always follow me! =(

last night talked with mum quite loudly.
regarding the house issue again.... then i dont know why i just get cried.
maybe after crying will really feel better right?
but i feel very tired at this moment now...
i got no place to go. force to stay in kl and in TTMSB which i hate the most actually.
i want home! i miss my home! but i couldnt be back because there is no room for me to stay at all.
the feeling is just like a abandon homeless child feeling hopeless and nobody could help this little pity human.
i am sad! i am really unhappy! but who care? =(.....

dear Jesus...
what should i do? What can i do? anyone can tell me?
i shouldnt talk this with anyone... i dont want to share this with anyone..
coz all the people around me are exactly couldnt do anything! they can hear then feel something strange then maybe blame someone around me or maybe didnt comment anything but know something new secret on me!
*haih*

宝宝

2010-05-05T18:37:00.000+08:00

好想好想生宝宝了……
看见身边很多朋友都有很可爱的宝宝，这让我也感觉好想快快生个宝宝来玩！
可是还要等很久吧? 明年才可以怀孕生宝宝~
哎哟…… 真的希望明年头就可以抱宝宝了。
谁叫我那么怕输，怕自己的宝宝太小~
不理啦！我就是要快快怀孕生宝宝！

inform'g my marriage - grandpa

2010-05-02T17:39:00.000+08:00

Dear grandpa,

this is a letter from me again!
how r u and grandma? fine?

i had a dream about u again last night!
u were sick and admitted into the hospital in my dream.
but u told me that u want to be home and u feel tired and want to "sleep"
i told u " please.. don't sleep! don't leave us!"
then i wake up from my dreams... and i realize that actually u r no longer with us!

dear grandpa, how many times i had these kind of dreams with me? i just feel sad every time i wake up and remember that i lost u! i miss u... the time u were there with us was great! u and grandma... but no longer for now!

dear grandpa, i have a secret! not even anyone around me know about this yet. i don't dare to tell anyone! not even daddy and mummy! das and i planning to get married next year! do u feel happy for us?

but i do really confuse after he really decided to marry! i feel worry that we are not suitable to get marry. will he be a good man like u did? i scare!

but after all, i just think that why don't we try? but grandpa, actually i hope u and grandma will attend my wedding before! but now, will be still be possible? is it able for u and grandma to see my wedding from heaven? and maybe u can apply to be my wedding angel who may come to help on my wedding!

dear grandpa, any updated news on my marriage issue i will let u know.
please send my regards to grandma!
take care~

trip-23-25apr10

2010-04-30T19:40:00.000+08:00

23/04/10 (fri)
das coming back from india. we meet up each other at kl sentral airasia bus stop and walk to ymca together. after check in, we take bath then going out to the kl sentral again to have a dinner. kenny roger again! feel like everytime when he is coming sure there is one meal we take kenny roger. we should change next time. after dinner, since it is only 7.30 so we plan to go to mid vally.
we wait for long time but didnt successfully get in to the first train. when next train is coming, dear dear go in very fast and booked the seat for me. but i told him no need to sit since we will get down in the next station only. then dear dear told me that when he went in and saw lots of seat actually he is very very happy. hehe~ he always like a baby.
reach mid vallay around 8 then we go to game section inside the jusco and play hang bear bearr. we wasted 2 ringgit and getting nothing at all. then we go to play rolling small bowling... after that playing basketball... hehe~ very funny. first time we go to play all these things after three years relationship..
then we go to buy bra.. but unfortunately i couldnt find any suitable bra at all... dear dear keep on choosing the bra for me and i still dont like any of them...
so we go to supermarket to buy toothpaste and drinks to bring back to hotel.
days end up with back to hotel and taken shower and good night hugging sleep.
i love dear's hugs. very sweet!

24.04.10 (sat)
morning we wake up around 8 and taken shower and go for breakfast. then we move our room from detach bathroom to attached bathroom bedroom. then we go back to the house to reboot the laptop. 10am-2pm. went back to hotel around 3 and the weather is super duper hot that day. we can't stand with it and take shower then rest for a while in hotel first. around 4.30 we wake up and go out to times square to change the phone lines. after settle everything around 7 go to supermarket there and buy some little little things and back to hotel. i dont know why i get angry with dear dear and dont want to talk with him at all on the way home. i stand nearby the train and go out first and walk away very fast. but dear dear walk very fast and rush up me. when i saw it then suddenly i smile. he always very cute! back to hotel and i still angry with him and dont want to talk with him at all. i went to take shower and taken long time inside the bathroom. i washed my hair and come out after shower. when i sit down on the bed, dear dear straight away come near to me and help me to dry my hair with towel... so i just relaxing sitting there and letting my "maid" to do my hair... but sure... i keep on complaining his bad jobs as usual. haha! dont know why after that my angry were all gone. then i talk softly to dear dear that the things i very dislike about him... his slow action etc and never care about the things and only talk without action etc. dear dear hear it well and went to shower after that. we go for dinner downstair after shower. lots of things we ate.
tat night i sleep tight in dear dear hug! he keep on coming near to me and smell my hair. coz i used the himalaya hair shampoo which he bought back from india. haha!

25.04.10 (sun)
morning dear dear spent a long time in toilet.
then he told me that he silently used my shampoo... haha! very funny!

we go down for breakfast and i got the urine problems...
after discussing, dear go out to buy medicine for me at kl sentral and i go back to the room waiting for him... after half an hour he come back with ural with him. but that time i am better. we go out after some time and go to pasar seni... just hope to buy somethings for parents... then simply buy the snack daddy like and the sesame cookies. we walk to hsbc bank and dear dear withdraw the money for me.. hehe~ always cheat dear dear to go bank.
after that he went to buy the instant uppumma and we take a tea in mcdonald since dear dear is keep on having coughing and need hot drinks.
we back to hotel and pack our luggage. around 12 we check out and we stay in the cafe downstair only. we taken our lunch and get the internet too until 3.30pm. after that we go to kl sentral. time for dear dear to go back miri! we didnt kiss but only hugging and dear went up to the bus and i go back to the house...

quite miss him a lot! he is always cute and lovely.
i do really love him a lot! and i scare to lost him too!
dear dear told me to plan for marriage next year.
so excited for that! but confusing too! coz i scare after marriage then dear dear wont love me like he does....

my current situation

2010-04-19T21:44:00.000+08:00

Dear All,

I passed my F2 with 73% last saturday! Happy with the result. At least pass right? But didn't reach my 80% target. Nevermind... preparation is not enough!

I confirmed with takahashi & mabel that i will continue to stay in TTMSB and also already confirmed with chew-san that i give up the good offer. Many reason is there... my current salary they make it to be 1700 and they promise me to provide 4 mths bonus on this coming june. 4 months neh.... 5k something! maybe i go after that bonus only! haha~

taka also promise to try to apply for my 50% ttmsb sponsor on my study. but after discussing with them this morning, i just feel that i better choose not to get the offer. it is not really a good deal. i couldn't successfully getting marry next year if i signed that contract. I couldn't successfully be a mummy for coming dragon year. I couldn't move back to miri to take care of my parents...

Worry neh.... hopefully MD wont approve for my study application. hopefully they bane my application. i want to be success with my own hard-work and God power...

So please Jesus, lead me the best way for me in the life. Thanks!

My resignation and pending status

2010-04-16T12:54:00.000+08:00

2010.04.13 (tue)
Given my resignation letter at 4.40pm
Reason? Better offer - RM 2600 (ACC exe)

2010.04.14 (wed)
Went in the room and talked with mabel for half an hour.
they offer me 1700 plus OT
continue to be an account assistant.
I told: reconsider

Afternoon, caught into the room for talk again.
same offer... with promised bonus 4 months on this coming june.
Long talk but my answer is still the same: reconsider

5.30 on the train going home, mabel called me up and request me to promise not to sign any offer letter from other company before we make a deal. I promised. 15 minutes talk on phone. Told her that i dislike the way OT to be treated as our salary.

2010.04.15 (thurs)
Morning i sent an email to mabel. I told her that i prefer to get either 1800+OT or 2000 without OT.
Telling her i don't like the way TTMSB want me to earn extra with OT and it is the way reduce the employee efficiency and company cost. By the way also i dont have extra time to do like this coz my time is very valuable to study.

Afternoon, i got an email reply me that they will consider my request.
5pm, takahashi called me up and request us to have a face-to-face talk.
He told that he may come to PJ to find me at night.
I reject coz i dont think it is a good idea since it is troublesome and not good for a boss to do like this to a small staff like me.
I promise to go back to office the next day morning 9 to have the talks.

I changed the time to 8.30am morning and taka agreed.

2010.04.16 (Fri)
Morning went to office.
Meet up with Takahashi.
Have half an hour talk.
He told that he feel sorry for me coz previously i get that kind of low salary range.
He told that he dont want to be unfair to other staff so he couldn't increase my salary to 1800. he hope i may reconsider and change my mind to accept 1700 offer. i promise to reconsider and give the answer on monday. he promise salary may not adjusted but sure bonus he may do something to repay me.

lunch time, takahashi sent a sms for me and ask me to check my email.
he mention in the email that he may request to get the approval from management to sponsor my education fees. Around 50% they may support me. the only way is i must pass my exam and i must stay in ttmsb for one year. I reply him that if there is anyway to help on my education, i am willing to give a try on that. i understand and appreciate his effort. he is the good boss i have... i always have good person beside me coz jesus love me very much. Thanks Jesus!

懊恼

2010-04-04T15:28:00.000+08:00

好像很久很久都没有再继续写日记了……
那天看戏的时候，听见戏里的医生说，写日记可以帮助记忆力！
想想又觉得很像有那么一回事叻！因为我的记忆力一向都很好，但是后来停了写日记一年多，记忆力也变差了很多很多。
所以我决定，要继续我的日记生活！

还有两个星期就是我的考试了，还没报名外，也还没温习！
感觉自己很失败似的，一直以公司为重，反而都没什么去理自己的学业~

虽然升值做executive 了，可是开心的感觉一点都没有！
因为不管升不升都好，工钱都是那么少，而且工作还是会让你做到死的那种！
我该不该离开公司呢？chew 给我的offer 是 2600，真的很好很好！
而且他说工作量很 ok，不会很忙。

我该不该这个时候离开公司？
mey 已经决定离开，她走后我们的部门都没有什么人会做工的了。
我不想自己做到更死！
我还有学业需要看重……

工作很懊恼，爱情也更懊恼~
das 一直有事情隐瞒着我。
他说自己没有参与挖金事件，但是其实我发现，他是一直在管着这件事情的人。
他说他没有看 porn website，但是我也发现他的电脑里看的网站都是找一夜情的女人。
我该不该和他吵？要他解释？

其实我很不明白

2010-04-03T17:27:00.000+08:00

我知道偷看男朋友的电邮是很不好的一种做法，但是我真的不知道除了这样，我还可以怎么了解他更多！
我知道自己一直叫他不要继续做下去的事，原来他一直都还在继续！
我该怎么办？假装不知道？还是面对面逼问？
我其实只是害怕他会出事，会有一天被逼丢下我一个人。
我只是害怕…………

原来爱真的是可以让一个人变得害怕失去。
主啊！我知道自己离你已经越来越远了……
也许我是害怕面对，害怕面对你吧？因为我真的太失败了…………

CNY & valentine...

2010-02-26T14:29:00.000+08:00

回美里两个星期……为了过年也为了情人。

在美里每天都只顾着吃吃喝喝玩玩睡睡，生活真自在悠闲啊！
每天晚上都有专家为我按摩，又有人帮我盖被，还有人陪我聊天说话。
很快乐轻松~

老公为了我，牺牲了很多工作时间。每天晚上都尽量抽空陪我……
而且还细心照顾，像哄宝贝似的，呵护在手心。
记得他样子永远像怕伤害我似的，小心翼翼，这对一个粗鲁的人可不是件简单的事啊！

今年已是我们爱情步入第四年的长跑了。
希望我们依旧恩爱，像老夫老妻似的，永远守护在彼此的身边！

老公大人，有你在身边，我是最幸福的女人！
我爱你！

Things to remember for future house preparation

2009-10-26T16:16:00.000+08:00

-small hangers to hang up the wire for kettle, rice-cookers & etc.

-must use the electric kettle and must have the little cover on the kettle mouth to avoid the dust.

-buy the stainless steel or glass plate. Never buy the plastic plate.

-Dont buy the cheap useless cooking material because it wont last long. Recommend to use buffalo brand or some others better brand.

-Freezer... check the door condition when u receive it whether it close tight or not.

-Confirm the freezer size is suitable for you... not a need to buy a big freezer if there is nothing to put inside. Recommend to have two doors freezer to avoid the smell mixing together.

-bathroom floor is the most important things to consider. Make sure it is not slippery!!! Caution~

-clothes hanger must have the roller so that easy for the wife to push and pull everywhere so that she wont be trouble when it gets rain suddenly or not a need to shout at you to lend a hand when u r enjoying urself with ur football programme...

-must have the water tanks at home... if sometimes no water coming with no tanks at home... tat is really a suffer!

-dont buy the wood bed... it really sounds so loudly when u moving on the bed...can u imagine that when u have having great time with ur beloved, then the bed sounds a lot and make ur guys feel disturbing?

-make sure the water wont stay on the floor and couldnt flow out smoothly....

-the house must have a small garden or at else a park so that we can have some BBQ as gathering party or something..

辞职

2009-10-01T12:32:00.000+08:00

刚刚一直心绪很不稳定，是不是一定要离职，是不是一定要离开才会好过点？

是的！我近来的压力很大很大，大得我无法好好的形容~
睡了等于没睡，整个人就完全不想好好地去想想问题。

我想离开这份工，但是离开了就等于真的可以解决问题吗？
我担心我会考不好，我担心我会不及格……
full time study 是不是又能代表我一定可以考好呢？
没有工作的日子，我又该怎么过活呢？
钱从哪来？伸手向爸妈拿？向哥哥讨？向老公借？

如果此时此刻的我突然说：我要辞职！
我想我会累了身边的人吧？
每个人都会担心我有钱吃饭吗？有吃饱吗？过得好吗？
可是现在的我，也更不想吃，看到什么东西也都感觉没有胃口~

有方法解决吗？
拿假出去散散心？
………………………………………………………………………………………………

如果　……………… 可以表达，可以发泄；那该多好？

Dear Grandpa

2009-09-29T11:04:00.000+08:00

Dear Grandpa..

How is ur life over there in the different place?
I miss u a lot!

U know what? I had a dream last night..
I consider it as a bad dream coz my sense told me it is not you!

U r a good and great grandpa that i ever know!
It is impossible for u to come back and ask lots of thing from us...
Coz before u passes away, u only asked for two buns to keep there for u.

Grandpa, i miss u a lot! All of us miss u a lot!

The one appear in my dream with ur face is not you!
I know that~ coz no matter in face, attitude or words, it is just not the grandpa i know!

Dear grandpa, if i study bible more before, it is possible for me to talk with u in my dream? Is it possible for me to see and view the situation of ur new life over there? Maybe will be a short dream... maybe will be a long dream... i dont care... wat i want is to know how r u!

Dear grandpa....
No matter wat, i know it is impossible for me to have u back in my life...
Going back to the house without my grandpa sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper...
Going back to hometown which i cant talk with my lovely grandpa anymore...
I dont want the feeling... i hate that feeling....
All i want to have is just u... the real grandpa which i can talk with~

But all of these are impossible...
Coz u r far over there in the heaven!
But i am sure!
When i meet with u one day over there, we must have a great time talking and sharing our story! Right?

Dear Grandpa...
I really miss u a lot! I love u! I LOVE U!!!

公公

2009-09-29T08:45:00.000+08:00

昨晚梦见了公公的样子，是看得很清楚的样子！
不是完全像公公，因为我相信那个不是公公！

在梦里：

我和哥哥说的时候，哥哥说他有避邪的冬冬，所以拿了出来。
当那个冒充公公的恶魔看见那东西的时候，就变得惧怕！
所以在梦中，我知道那个是恶魔，不是我最敬爱的公公~

公公啊！有人冒充你来接近我们家人，你一定要赶快约你的好朋友天使们在我们家守护我们哦！

主啊，让恶魔都远离我们！
我知道公公已经回到你身边很久很久了。
当公公想回来的时候，请让他变成小鸟或是小蝴蝶飞回来看看我们大家吧！
主啊，我很想念公公，但是我不相信梦里的冒充着是他~
因为不管外貌，举止，行为，态度……都完全不像我的公公！

I'm a bad girl!

2009-09-25T13:59:00.000+08:00

Ooops...
今天我的 manager on leave...
所以我可以很轻松的做回自己，不必装模作样！

这几天都打算早上四点起身温习功课，但是真的起不来，而且真的超级懒惰的。
老师说如果我们在这个假期里都没有温习功课，那么我们就注定一定会“肥佬“
天啊，我有预感我会失败！可是我不能够失败！~~
要努力努力努力了！

国彬一直说我说话很大声。
我一定一定要改了这个习惯，不可以说话那么大声，不可以像八婆那样！
这都是小时候的坏习惯吧？
大喊大叫~我要改要改！

1.00PM

突然很不开心！
难道我也是那么情绪化的吗？
就因为又和男朋友吵架，所以又要那么情绪化吗？
为什么他每次都可以因为外在的因素而怪罪于我？
DIGI is not funtioning well... then it is my fault！
很不开心啊！因为我就是觉得自己没错……
妈咪说过如果我们继续这样下去，一定不会长久的。
如果最后结婚了，也会大吵大闹……

Dear my jesus, may u please help us on these?
Why my dear boyfriend is like this?
I feel suffering if he keeps on suspecting me and saying all the bad things about me...
i need to cold down myself always.....

我不可以再次那么冲动，一定要好好控制我的情绪。
我有自杀念头，我是个坏小孩……